I absolutely panicked when I realized I didn’t want the wedding dress I had picked (and my mom had paid for).
What was I going to do?
I texted a few of my bridesmaids, called my mom, and called my fiancé.
The girls and my mom all assured me that the dress is absolutely beautiful and perfect for me and that I was being ridiculous, but I didn’t care.
My fiancé was so compassionate and sensitive, all the while knowing how ridiculous I was being. He said, “Kaitlin, you know you are going to be beautiful no matter what you wear and the dress absolutely does not matter. No one will even pay attention to the dress. And, really, you could wear a potato sack and be the most beautiful girl in the room.”
Ok, ok that’s so sweet, but he HAD to say it. (I think my mom is paying him to be so nice to me).
The funniest part of it all is that, after freaking out for weeks, I decided one day to call the shop and ask if I could switch my dress. I was determined to get a different one.
But before I got in my car and dialed the number, I felt like I should pray. So I said, “God, please give me a sign and help me with this wedding dress situation.” Then I laughed and said to Him, “Do you even care about my wedding dress? There are big things happening in the world, so why would I even bother you with this?” But He said to me, “Of course I care. You’re my daughter.”
Something told me to keep the dress I had, but of course, I called the shop anyway. I called twice. No answer either time. I thought, “there’s my sign.” But I ignored it and called my mom, and she said, “that’s a sign.”
That night I attended the Church of the Highlands ReCreate Women’s Conference, and the minute the night portion began and the words flashed up on the screen, I burst into tears.
Matthew 10:29 reached out and grabbed me, “…”But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it…” and God said to me, “I told you I care about your wedding dress. I care about every single detail of your life.”
The entire conference was like that. Me crying, God speaking to me, my heart changing. It was incredible.
I was so moved and so convicted about comparing myself to other women in every single aspect. It’s easy to do that when you’re planning a wedding. “Her dress was prettier, her ring is great, she has the best venue, I bet her hair will look perfect, her decorations look like they jumped of Pinterest…” And we do that in every day life too. It’s a constant battle for so many people, and something God is fighting against in our hearts every day.
Those feelings of comparison are amplified on occasions like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and honeymoons because we think they are supposed to be perfect and better than the girl who posted about hers last week, but God never intended on any of that. Those big occasions are a chance for us to celebrate all He has done for us and given us in this earthly life, not to ignore contentment and long for more.
A day like a wedding day has nothing to do with the dress or any of the other million things we pay for and stress over. It has everything to do with the people surrounding you and the person you are about to promise forever to.
When I freaked out about mine and heard those reassuring words from my man, it all hit me that I could wear sweat pants and go to the courthouse as long as I got to spend forever with him.
The material things of this world are so fleeting but our souls last forever. This life seriously is just a vapor, so there’s no reason to worry about every little thing because it’ll be over before we know it.
It’s funny that ever since that little prayer I’ve fallen in love with my wedding dress. It’s weirdly parallel to how my relationship with my fiancé was. I was so iffy at first about committing myself to someone who I never imagined being with. And then after some prayer and my sweet God reminding me who I am and why I’m here, I started to fall madly in love with him and won’t ever stop. Because more than me finding him attractive, I knew we were meant to do life together and further the Kingdom – and that’s what mattered. His soul mattered.
I can’t wait to wear that dress that I picked for a reason, that was designed for me, as I marry a man I’m brought to tears thinking about. That dress will always be a reminder that God cares so dearly about the desires and worries of my heart, that life is about people and purpose, and that God has orchestrated every moment of my life, especially the one where I say, “I do” to someone He picked for me.
I thought it was so silly that I got so worked up about whether or not I picked the right dress, but I’m so glad I did because it opened a tiny little door for God to whisper through, and I heard Him loud and clear.