What does that even mean? Are you going on dates and getting to know each other or just hanging out as his place and watching movies a few nights a week? There’s a difference.
We have gotten so confused about the way we should be “dating” these days. The world has put this twist on it that says just hanging out and hooking up means you’re in love and will be together forever.
Wrong. So wrong.
This is for men and women to listen to.
Women, he should be actively pursuing you in the most honorable way, and you should let him know if he should continue to pursue you or move on.
Men, you should be going out of your way to pursue her and let her know your intentions up front.
Aren’t we done playing these silly games? Hard to get, making each other jealous, hiding our true feelings to spare humiliation, putting on a front? None of that is genuine or real or love.
I played those games for years. I thought I loved people, but I never loved anyone full force. I love hard when I really love. My people know that, and they accept that, but there was never a guy who really let me love him the way I wanted to, the way I needed to.
When I first started dating my current boyfriend, I still didn’t love him full on. I couldn’t. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just let go and love him and let him love me, but every time I had ever let my guard down, my heart had been broken and I swore that would never happen again.
That’s when I had a little chat with God and said, “God, please let me accept this love and give it back with all of my heart without fear.” And He said, “Kaitlin, if this man is your husband, that’s wonderful, and if he’s not, I have someone even better for you and even better for him, so just trust me. I’ve got this.”
It didn’t happen over night, but I eventually just let love in and let love out. And it was awesome. It IS awesome!
It really all started the day my boyfriend asked me out. I had been single for two years (much needed) and had actually been asked out by a 65-year-old man the day before. (That’s a whole other story you can read here.) So, I was done dating and seriously just so content with being alone and getting to know myself better. And that’s when it happened.
Soon after I politely denied the 65 year old, my roommate called freaking out saying a guy from our church small group wanted to ask me to dinner. I was like, “Sure why not. I’ve got nothing to lose.”
I expected a call or text or Facebook message (the usual), but no. This guy approached me face-to-face knowing good and well I could say no if I wanted to. But he didn’t let that stop him.
He told me he had been working the courage up all summer and finally just asked me on a date. IN PERSON. I was truly shocked that guys even still did that. Funny enough, I had been asked out the same day by a guy via text.
But I told this guy, in person, yes. I will go on a date with you, you brave man with some guts about you, of course I will.
I hadn’t sought him out nor was I really even interested, but I will gladly hang out with someone that has a kind heart and good character. (It didn’t hurt that I think he’s really cute).
Without giving you every detail of our relationship (I’ll save that for another post), I’ll tell you that he asked me to go fishing and get ice cream and said he had already bought me a fishing pole and he would pick me up at 6:30 the next day.
The boy had a plan and a time and everything. I was blown away. He actually wanted to take me on a real date. And he got creative and thought of something other than a movie!
After a couple of really cute dates and picking me up for dinner reservations with my favorite flowers and the whole nine yards, I really started to give this guy a chance because he was actively pursuing me and getting to know my heart.
When he asked me to be his girlfriend – pause – he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t just assume or have to guess or ask, “What are we?” He wanted me to be his. He wanted to tell everyone I was his person. Anyway.. when he asked me, he sat me down and told me his intentions.
No one had ever had this conversation with me. He told me he hadn’t dated in several years and he wanted to wait for the right person to pursue and that he was pursuing someone to marry. Yes that’s serious and can be scary, but it was honest and real and intentional and I loved it.
I’m not telling you all this to brag about my boyfriend (even though he is seriously a 10). I’m telling you all this to tell you to wait on the guy who treats you like this! My boyfriend is not perfect and never will be, but he wakes up every day and decides to love me and show me that in a million different ways, even on the days I’m extremely hard to love.
I’m telling you to wait for him. I didn’t always have him. I went through guys who hung out with me 5 days a week and never once took me on a date. I went through guys who didn’t let me know what their intentions were or even that they really loved me at all.
I wish I would’ve known that they weren’t pursuing me, that they weren’t dating me the right way and I wasn’t dating them the right way. It wasn’t fair to anyone in the situation and no good came from it (other than lessons learned).
He doesn’t have to wine and dine you. My boyfriend took me to do the cutest things and barely spent a dime several times. He took me to feed the ducks at the park one night and it’s one of my favorite memories. All he had to buy was bread!
He doesn’t have to bring you flowers every day, but he will do little things to show you he cares and that he took time out of his busy day to think about you.
He won’t leave you guessing how he feels. He will let you know every chance he gets.
He won’t make you ask about your relationship status because he will want the world to know the two of you are a pair and that he is happy to be a pair with someone as amazing as you.
Last night, my boyfriend took a picture I printed to put on his dashboard in his car. It was something so simple and made my heart smile so big. He wanted to see that picture every day as a reminder that he’s a part of a pair with me and he’s happy to be in that pair. It made me remember that he just loves me and wants everyone to know it.
If you’re in a relationship and you have prayed and know in your heart that he isn’t pursuing you the right way, it’s ok to get out. You’ll actually be helping yourself, him, and whoever he decides to marry.
Being a girl is hard and being a guy trying to date a girl is hard. But when we let go of fears and stop worrying about what the world thinks and focus on each other’s hearts, we step into the kind of love God designed us for. It’s a pure and beautiful love that can only be full if it’s shared and shared with the right person.
You’ll know if it’s him by the way he dates you from the beginning. A real man will do what he can to let you know he is interested in who you are as a person, your quirks and habits and interests and favorite books, not just how good of a kisser you are.
Let him pursue you the right way and don’t be afraid to fall. Sometimes when you just let go, the absolute best things in life have a chance to happen.
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Related reads: To The Girl Who’s Tired of Waiting