Can I just talk about feeling like a bad wife for a minute?
I went to an event out of town a few nights ago. The day before, I had hosted a Christmas party at my house. My servant of a husband helped me clean up and told me he’d finish up the kitchen while I was gone the next night. I also asked him to pick up drinks for a work party the next day. When I came home, there were no drinks to be found and the kitchen was the disaster I’d left it in.
I had a quick conversation with myself in which I said, “Self, don’t say a word. He does MORE than plenty for you on a regular basis.” But I did not listen to myself. I complained about the kitchen and the drinks and we got in a huge fight. He said, “Can’t you just give me some grace?”
But he was right. How can I throw around grace like confetti to so many people, including total strangers, but run out of it when it comes to the person who gives me the most grace?
I feel like I do the same thing to God that I did to my husband in the kitchen. He does so much for me that when He doesn’t do something I thought He would do, I question everything and throw a tantrum. What if I was just, you know, thankful for all He has already done? He always has a bigger reason for what He is doing — or not doing — for me. I can either trust that process or pitch a fit. It seems like a no-brainer, but sometimes that very brain gets tangled up with my heart and makes it very hard to choose the process over the fit-pitching.
And sometimes we have to walk out of the kitchen and think about what we’ve done for Him.
After the fight with my husband, I realized I had been expecting so much out of him and not doing very much FOR him in return. God doesn’t require us to do any type of works to get His grace, but He does want us to do things like spend time with Him, love on people, and spread the word about His goodness. But we far too often stand in the kitchen complaining over the dishes He left in the sink and the dirt on the floor instead of looking at our own reflection in the kitchen window and realizing we haven’t been the best at pouring out love. We’ve been a little too focused on what everyone can do for us instead of what we are doing to make everyone else feel loved and included. We’ve been a lot too focused on what God can do for us instead of what we are doing to make Him worshipped and known.
As a wife, I’m learning to watch my tongue and be thankful for all the times he cleans up after me. As Christ’s bride, let’s learn to speak more life and thank Him for the kitchens He has cleaned and the messes He has left for good reason.
As for feeling like a bad wife and a bad bride, don’t forget to throw yourself a little bit of that grace confetti, too.