I never really made a list of what I wanted in a husband. And maybe I should have, but I just didn’t, and I really think it turned out better because I didn’t.
I am by NO means saying it is a wrong to make a list of what you want in a husband. BUT — lists like that can get really superficial if we aren’t careful.
When I thought about my husband years ago, I honestly just wanted a man who would love Jesus and love me passionately. I DID pray for someone who could cook because cooking is not my forte. And man did The Lord provide a double portion on that one. My man really can cook.
I never wrote out a list that included hair color or salary or height or eye color… I have no clue why I didn’t. I really just didn’t care about anything but his heart. And I am not saying that to make you think I’m some “holier than though” Christian girl who has never been shallow or superficial because I certainly have been more times than I’d like to admit. But I really was very concerned with finding someone to pursue Jesus with.
And I didn’t end up marrying a tall, dark, handsome doctor. I married a teacher and coach who is barely taller than me and has a lot more hair on his face than his head! But, you see, that doesn’t describe him at all. What you might picture just isn’t even close to who he is. Because what you don’t picture are his gorgeous green eyes or the cutest dimples in the world. You don’t see his cute beard and adorable lips. You couldn’t possibly imagine the laugh lines around his eyes that show his kindness. And if I had made a list, I never would have been clever enough to write down a single one of those things.
While I was busy forgetting to make the “husband list” everyone talked about, God was writing out a better one than I ever could have dreamt up.
God’s lists blow ours out of the water every single time.
He knows what we need better than we ever could. And it’s not wrong to dream of what your husband will be like or pray for specific qualities and characteristics. If you are dying for someone with blue eyes and blonde hair, go ahead and ask for it! But don’t be surprised if you fall for a guy with jet black hair and brown eyes.
We can’t get so focused on what we are praying for that we forget to be on the lookout for what God is providing.
God has a way of surpassing our desires in a way we cannot understand. He is a God of more — always has been and always will be.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…” Ephesians 3:20 (NIV)
So, make that list. Write down all your prayers — I do it. I write down what I’m believing for God to do in my marriage, with my job, in my finances, etc. But I try not to get so set on what I want that I don’t open my heart up for what God wants for me. His will over mine, every time.
I hope you don’t read this and go throw your list away. Keep the list. Show your husband when you meet him. Be amazed when he fits many of the qualities you prayed for. Laugh when He is the exact opposite of everything you thought you wanted. The point is — God knows best. He knit us together in our mothers’ wombs, so we can certainly trust Him to lead us in every season.
My husband is my opposite and my perfect match. I know, without a doubt, He is the one God set aside for me. We are like oil and water in many ways, but we balance each other out in the best ways. He is the calm when I am the chaos; he is the quiet when my life is so loud; he is happiness when I am down; he slows me down when I am running way too fast; and he points me to Jesus when I lose my way.
God exceeded every expectation I had for who I would marry, and I am so thankful He did not lower his blessing down to my desires. While He does gives us the desires of our hearts, HIS desires for our hearts really are always better!
Remember: To find a good husband, you must also be prepared to be a good wife.
Maybe you can make a list of the qualities you’d like to see in yourself as a wife. You’ll begin to see how unimportant the color of your hair and the size of your waist is as you write down the things you want a husband to love about you. You want to be a wife who encourages, who supports, who loves unconditionally, and who pulls out the best in the man you marry. Your cute smile and green eyes will just be a plus.
Oh, and don’t forget you’re on God’s list. You made it. You’re in. He wants you and loves you and can’t wait to spend forever with you.