To The Girl Who Feels Unlovable

Sometimes I just can't believe anyone loves me.As long as I can remember, I've worried so much about what people think and whether or not people like me. It stresses me out to no end. I analyze things I say, things they say, the way things are said.. I basically spend way too much worrying about something that's not worth worrying about.The people closest to me always tell me it's ridiculous to care that much about what people think. At the end of the day, that old cliche saying holds so very true: "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."The people who love you love you no matter what - it's unconditional. And the people who don't probably just don't know you very well and they likely just aren't meant to be a big part of your life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind to absolutely everyone, but you shouldn't kill yourself to try to make sure everyone thinks you're great.Striving for real life likes spilled over into my romantic relationships as well. I have always had to try so hard to make boyfriends like me and love me and really care about me. I did everything I could and just absolutely made myself miserable trying - trying to be the right girl, trying to be good enough, trying to be adorable and lovable - and I just couldn't.It never worked.I could make them stay for a little while, but they would eventually leave.And that's because I wasn't right for them and they weren't right for me, and no one should EVER have to TRY to make someone love them. That is not real love.A healthy, beautiful relationship should mirror they way God loves us in so many ways.When I finally stopped trying - with friends, with boys, with social media, with everything - God led people and things TO ME. I didn't have to chase anything down because He met me where I was.He brought me a man who loves me all the time no matter what. No matter how emotional I'm being or crazy I'm acting, no matter how broken out my face is or how much weight I gain or lose, no matter what I'm wearing, no matter what I think about myself - he just loves me.He gives me grace when I mess up. He tells me I'm beautiful when I think the opposite. He believes in me. He encourages me. He keeps me in line. And he just seriously loves me. The best thing about his love is that I have never once had to try for it.But it wasn't always that easy. I ran from it for so long. I could not believe he loved me. I heard lies from Satan DAILY telling me I wasn't good enough for him, that he was probably talking to other girls, that he would eventually leave me like every other guy has, that there was someone out there way more deserving of him, and that he was lying when he told me all the wonderful things he told me.Now I know how crazy it sounds that I believed those things, but I believed them about my friends too. I just knew they didn't really like me that much, that there was no way I had friends as great as them. Satan was letting me know they probably talked about me behind my back and that I annoyed them and they really didn't like me all that much.Seriously, I know it's crazy and when I would say it out loud to my mom, she let me know it was crazy. But that's what lies from the pit of hell will do to you. Those are the same lies we are told about God's love - that we aren't deserving, we aren't good enough, we have messed up too much, His love is too good for us, other people deserve it more, we need to try a little harder to be better and receive His love.The thing about those lies is that they are flat out LIES. There is no truth in his deceit. He has been defeated. He is defeated. He is beneath the power of God.My relationship with my boyfriend and with my friends fully bloomed into what they were meant to be when I stopped running, stopped worrying, stopped trying, and just accepted the love.And I did the same thing with God.My boyfriend's love for me painted such a picture of God's love for me that it helped me understand it better. I started just letting him love me and then it clicked, and I started just letting Him love me too.I wasn't running away or worrying or listening to fabrications going on in my head. I started saying, "Hey Satan, get outta here because you hold absolutely no truth and Jesus does."I put the lies in the grave where they belonged and let love live.And then I was able to love more. I was letting it in and pouring it out.When we let God love us and believe that He always does no matter what we do and who we were before, we can believe the same about other people. And then we want to give that to other people.When we accept grace, we give it a whole lot easier.You are so lovable. You are so easy to adore. I hope you know that and never doubt it.Your people love you and your God loves you.And when you find people who love you like God loves you, who teach you more about God's love, please hold on to them tight and learn from them.A relationship that mirrors God's love and allows you to love yourself more is what we all crave at the end of the day. Don't chase anyone but God. Start pursuing Him and you'll realize He has been pursuing you all along, and then you'll be surprised at the next person He places in your path to pursue you like He does.Be loved friends,Kaitlin