What I've Learned in Three Years of Marriage
Three years may not seem like a long time to many, but it has been long enough for me to learn a few things about marriage.I had a woman laugh at me one time when I told her I wrote about marriage. She said, "I'm sorry... you just haven't been married very long at all." I smiled and told her I hope to meet people where they are in their marriage with my words, whether they are engaged, newlyweds, or celebrating their 50th anniversary. We can all glean wisdom from each other, and we can always learn something from the life of another. I recently heard a quote from a theologian that said something to the effect of, “The greatest gift in life is to be fully known and fully loved.” I told my husband how grateful I am to be able to just be when I’m with him. He knows me fully and still chooses to love me fully every single day. I can’t even think about it without crying.To just be. What a gift. I don't have to overthink or overanalyze, or over-explain. I get to just be the me God created me to be, and that is enough for my husband. That is enough for God. We have had our struggles, our travels, our laughs, and our cries during our toddler of a marriage, but we have learned so much from each other along the way. Three things I’ve learned in three years of marriage:
Holding back hurtful words during a fight is always the right answer.
Love is not lust. Love is so much more than sex, attraction, or anything in between.
Being together — truly together — is the cure to almost anything.
It’s hard to be angry when you hug, hold hands, and look into each other’s eyes instead of a phone screen.When you want to lash out during a disagreement with your spouse, pause and pray, then see if you still want to say the same thing. Don't let the enemy trick you into thinking sex is the first stop. You have to choose to step into love every day and not just hope you fall into it. As my pastor always says, "Choices lead, feelings follow." Make up your mind and your heart will fall in line. Learn how to be with your spouse without any distractions. We were wired for in-person relationships, but we have allowed the enemy to warp our minds and take them off of what and who really matter. Get back to the basics of eye contact, gentle touches, and laughter. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. If you feel like you're too far gone from a happy marriage to have any hope, you're wrong. God sees you in the struggle and holds you in the hurt. He is writing a new song for you to both sing together. I’m more passionate about marriage than I’ve ever been because I know how good it can be when you let God take over. I want that for every couple. And I’ll keep praying that the enemy has to loosen his grip on these covenant relationships every single day.